42-43

Umesh took me into the chambers of Bharati Theertharu who signaled us to wait till he was done with visitors. One by one the visitors milled in groups to have his darshan and blessings. At one point an elderly couple walked in and I noticed every one was looking at them with respect. The elderly vaidik man was old enough to be Bharati Theertharu’s father and he did a shastaanga namaskara and sat down with a smile. He was looking at Bharati Theertahru not only with reverence but a tinge of pride was visible in his smile and eyes. After a few minutes of conversation in Telugu they got up and walked away. 


I was about to turn towards Umesha, and he whispered into my ears - “those two were the parents of Bharati Theertharu who have come for a darshan”. I was really stunned . Neither the parents showed any familiarity nor did Bharati Theertahru bat an eyelid. It was as if they never knew each other.  His vairagya was so strong to snap all filial bonds.Umesh told me  about his past. In his teens, Sitarama Anjanelaylu left home to take refuge at the feet of Abhinava Vidyatheertha at Ujjain camp. He never left him after that.  He stayed on to become uttaradhikari of Sringeri Mutt as Bharati Theertha. He became a formidable expert in Shahstra; a  Taartkeeka facing whom experts tremble even today. His devotion to Sri Raama from his younger days was well known and he gave a form to it by composing songs. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8JvjBsYbkrY


“So, what brings two of you to come together”, asked Bharati Theertharu. Umesh goaded me, “Tell him what you confided in me ”. Bharathi Theertharu knew of all the tribulations and confusions I was undergoing.He was guiding me from time to time as I kept meeting him.  I poured out my heart at length. He did not interrupt me at any time and waited for me to finish 
He smiled and started quoting from Bhagavat Geeta :
“तान् समीक्ष्य स कौन्तेयः सर्वान् बन्धून् अवस्थितान् 
कृपया परयाविष्टो विशीदन् इदं अब्रवीत् 


Seeing all his relatives present there, Arjun, the son of Kunti, was overwhelmed with compassion, and with deep sorrow, spoke the following words
एवं उक्त्वार्जुनः संख्ये रथोपस्थ उपाविशत् 
विसृज्य सशरं चापं शोक संविग्न मानसः”
Arjun cast aside his bow and arrows, and sank into the seat of his chariot, his mind in distress and overwhelmed with grief”

“So, you are at the exact same situation as Arjuna at the start of kurukshetra war. What are you going to choose ? You want to yield to the tug of Paasha from your mother  or  are you willing to let them go ? We can’t choose it for you and hence you need to make the decision”. 

“What is your choice?”, he asked me again, “ but you need to be firm and not waver. Path is not easy , vasanaas will drag you down and indriya nigraha is a tough battle. The best weapon to fight it out is consistency of purpose and being firm, even as you would stumble often ” 

“ I have no desire to go back to the family. At the same time I am unable to bear the pressures of my inadequacy and family pressure as I continue to be in the midst of loukika. I can’t take it any more. So, I beg you to let me stay here forever. I don’t wish to go back at all”. I blurted this out and felt a huge sense of relief, as if  a huge weight lifted off my heart. I looked at Umesha who was his calm , smiling self , as always ; I could see a flash of pride as he looked at me.

“ I am extremely pleased at your decision”, said a beaming Bharati Theertharu. “But, I can’t take a unilateral decision. Considering you are coming from an orthodox Maadhwa family and with a distant connect with Shri Raghavendra Theertha’s family, I need to get express approval from our Acharya Abhinava Vidyatheertharu. So you can go now and meet me during the evening darshan time. I will let you know Acharya’s decision”. With a beaming smile and appreciative look he dismissed me off. 

Umesha stayed back and I wandered around the Narasimha vana and the whole thing appeared so surreal. What would Mahaa Sannidanam say I wondered. I have given my best and in a leap of faith, had even offered to abandon my family and stay back. What else could I do ? 



The Veda patashala was reverberating with Vedic chants ; the scholars were huddled in group discussing knotty philosophical problem pouring over warring texts. The Tunga river flowed quietly with crystal clear water with fish dancing around. The journey I started  down the river at Mantralaya at Shri Raghavendra Theertha’s Brindavana seven years back culminated upstream at Sringeri. I seem to pushed myself up and up into highest uncertainty.I sat down below a tree , a bit away from the people, and started to meditate.It was tough with so much anxiety and uncertainty flooding the mind. But , due to grace of Acharya I started slipping into myself. 

Umesha had talked about Nerur Sadashiva Brahmendra, the avadutha muni who was literally walking Advaitha siddha. A passage from his Vrutii on Patanjali Yoga sutra flashed in my mind . 
“तदा द्रष्टुः स्वरूपेवस्थानम्” 
यदा सर्वासां वृत्तीनां निरोधः तदा द्रष्टुश्र्चितिशक्तोःस्वाभाविके स्वरूपे स्थितः कुसुमापगमे स्फटिक मणे इवेत्यर्थः चितिशक्तो चैतन्यमात्रं स्वभावो न वृत्त्य इति भावः 


Indeed. As the mental cogitations receded, one does see one’e true nature like a crystal which is wiped off the dirt accumulated on its surface. Blissful illuminance is the very nature of mind, not the waves of cogitations. The whole world stood still, time was lost, space was lost, and identity was lost. Like the fish that were darting in the crystal clear Tunga, I was swimming in the placid lake of infinite bliss.


All of a sudden, I came out into this world and found myself  sitting under a tree in Narasimhavana. Evening was rolling in and I walked back into Guru Nivas to meet Bharati Theertharu holding my heart. He smiled at me and shared Abhinava Vidyatheertha’s decision,My heart sank and the ground was slipping away at my feet. I felt crushed and abandoned.

I entered the chambers of Shri Bharati Theertha, and Umesha with his usual smile beckoned me in. Bharati Theertharu started talking. “I am very happy that you wanted to be allowed to stay back at Sringeri .I discussed this with our Acharya Abhinva Vidya theertharu , who was very appreciative of that”.  I was impatient to hear the decision.

“ We don’t do allow it without the consent of parents . Mother’s approval is very important. Your mother, as a young maadhwa widow, struggled to bring you up. If she  comes here crying , along with an angry uncle from Madurai, our compassionate Acharya would send you back. This  will play havoc on your psychology and affect your mental health” . He paused. I didn’t like where it was going. I was hoping against hope to hear something different.“So, our Acharya has advised me to direct you to heed to your mother’s demands, get married and live a gruhasta life”. 

This was a totally unexpected, crushing blow. I frantically looked at Umesha for a sign of intervention. He continued to smile as if nothing had happened. Shri Bharati theertharu would not  wave his hand and magically make things happen. 

“ You are dear to us and our doors are always open to you.Your jignasa can continue as before and we will continue to guide you in the Sadhana. Just be careful to recognize that a Samsara is like a snake at your feet that can strike any time”. With that caution, he blessed and sent me away.

Umesha and I walked silently to Adhistana Mantapa .We stood at the footsteps of the mantapa as we always did. This time we were not debating differences between Dwiatha and Advaitha ; I was beseeching him to do something. “Why don’t you talk to Vidyatheertahru and get the decision changed”, I persisted. 
“Why don’t you understand that Acharya always gives decision that is beneficial for you. If you don’t have that basic trust in him why do you even come and ask?’, Umesha quizzed. 

“Why did you draw me down in this path ? Even if I am deficient in my nishta, Acharya can wave his hand and make my deficiencies go away, can’t he ? As in movies, rays can flow from his hand into my mind and cleanse it”, I implored.

“While we believe life itself is but a play, you are taking a play to be  life”, he countered. “You must learn to accept directions of Acharya as god’s will. You should go and happily get married. There is only a correlation between ashrama and jnAna  and no causal relationship. Remember ashtAvakra samhita we discussed in chennai”. He urged me to accept the ‘wife to come’ as a gift from Acharya.  After having darshan of JMS I left for Bangalore. 

After hesitating for a few weeks , I broke the news to my mother that I was ready to get married. She was over joyed. When she asked me what my dream girl looked like, I said I had no such dreams or expectations. I also cautioned her  that I would agree to marry the first girl I see - as acharya’s gift. 

So it happened. I went to see my future wife on a ‘girl seeing ceremony’ at her home, surrounded by all our close relatives. As her parents brought her in, I close my eyes, prayed to JMS. 

She became my wife, my moral compass, setting a very high bar on morality and integrity. She became my Ubhaya Bharati.  

I would struggle for decades to treat her consistently as my Acharya’s gift or as my Ubhaya Bharati. I would behave rudely, in anger, quarrelsome mood and rage. I would put my head down in shame , as she would ask me if my behavior was doing justice to being a Umesha mentee or JMS sishya. The samsara snake would bite me very often in the legs, and it would take decades of struggle to lift the snake up and adorn around the neck and become Naga Bhushana.

I did not take my newly wedded wife to Sringeri.I felt there was no point going as a gruhasta with a family. I felt I was turned away and it hurt me still. When my daughter was born, I named her Sharada but didn’t take her  to Sringeri. My son was born in  5 years, I named him Aravinda, but didn’t take him either to Sringeri.

Bharti Theertharu was visiting chennai when my son was about a year old and my wife urged me to take them for a darshan. She was all along puzzled as to why I was avoiding Sringeri , Acharyas or Umesh.  Reluctantly I took them for a darshan. As soon we got near to Bharati Theertharu, he looked at us as uttered, “ Padmanabho Aravindaaksha”. My wife and I were stunned. We had not even spoken a word or told him our son’s name. Umesha stood  behind the Acharya with his beaming smile. I introduced my wife to them . They looked at my wife with all their compassion . There was a look of deep appreciation of what she truly was. After that brief interlude I vanished from the world of Umesha and Sringeri.

The next 30 years would take me all over the world; would change my dislike of Dwaitha  tatava vaada into a deep respect and admiration. Deeper I got into that, stronger was the understanding that there was no substantive difference between Adwaitha and Dwaitha.  For years I would debate with Maadhwas on the theme of harmony between the philosophies in vain; I would plunge into a risky journey of meeting Pontiffs of various Maadhwa Mutts, taking the message of Unitory philosophy, without much success. 

I would get connected back to Sringeri and more importantly with Umesha after 30 years. It would happen due to totally an unexpected context - my future daughter in law.